sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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