Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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