you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
