The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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