My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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