remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
