the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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