just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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