im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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