At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My vagina is officially offended.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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