Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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