I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
