I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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