I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
