2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
