i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
