They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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