Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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