Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
