Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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