doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
