I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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