You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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