if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
