im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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