Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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