On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
3pm strippers are depressing
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
