Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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