how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
