Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
