ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
