It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Someone came in the potted fern
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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