my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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