The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Vodka?
Forever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
