after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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