He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
