I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
