break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
