Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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