Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
