"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
