New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
