"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
