i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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