He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize