dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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