He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
