i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
