I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
