life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
