If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need to calm my uterus...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
