Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
