I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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