Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
