TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
