i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
