I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Are we still banned from the library?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
there is glitter all over my balls
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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