I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
