I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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