I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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