I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
