cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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