you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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