Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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