I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
operation harelip BJ is a go
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am naked and annoyed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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